Welcome to “壊れた器は捨てなさい (Give up with the broken bowl) ”.
This website is about toxic parents and their children in Japan.
Family problems have not been talked about until recently in Japan. The concept of toxic parents is introduced to Japan widely when Japanese translation of “Toxic Parents” by Susan Forward is published in 1999.
Traditionally, following parents is considered to be a virtue in Japan. Acting against parents’ wishes is considered to be a sin. For example, in Japanese criminal law, the mandatory minimum sentence of parricide was a life imprisonment, and maximum, death penalty until 1995, though the mandatory minimum sentence of murder was 3 years imprisonment. See“Tochigi patricide case (Wikipedia)”.
Also, disciplinary action by parents has been a point to be discussed. Parents have the authority to give disciplinary punishment in Japanese civil code, but the scope of disciplinary action is not defined in the civil code. Some parents maltreat their children by abusing the code.
The children of toxic parents are sometimes doted on by their parents. The relationship between parents and children is strong in Japan. Some unmarried adults live with their parents. Parents can’t accept that her son or daughter isn’t a child any longer, and they can’t let them go forever. Caring old parents is regarded as their children’s’ duty. Late marriage and “parasite single (unmarried adults living off his parents)” are big problem in Japan for the consequences.
Family problems are not made public in Japan. Japanese tends to hide their skeleton in the closet. Calling for outsiders’ help isn’t easy.
I’m only an average children raised by toxic parents. I had been suffered by family for more than thirty years, but now I can say, I graduated from my family.
The thing I’d like to say to the survivors of toxic parents is: we can’t change our parents, but we can change our attitude to parents. I explain toxic parents sensuously by using Manga so that make it easy to understand. For example, the feature and types of toxic parents, communicating with them, and re-structuring our own lives.
The agonies we suffered are like useless effort to fill broken bowl by water. We should give up our parents, and live our own lives. I believe all the children of toxic parents can re-get the new bowls to fill their own lives, knowledge and happiness by making a break with the illusions of hopeless love.
a survivor of toxic family
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